A Bear's Tale: Trust Your Gut To Avoid Stranger Danger
Dating through an app can be exciting - but it can also be scary.
I usually trust my gut and if it doesn't feel right, I don't agree to meet in person - no matter how sexy the man.
Recently, my other head made the decision for me to go out at 2am to meet a hot guy.
His pictures were nice - there was one with him in a tuxedo, one that looked like a model head shot and one partially dressed.
While his profile said he was an actor looking for love, at 2am it really means looking for dick.
His comments right off the bat where sexually driven. While titillating at the beginning, he started to say things that were real turn-offs to me: "It doesn't matter what you look like as I'm horny," "Do you have poppers?" and "I'm a little drunk."
Those comments usually cause me to loose interest right away. I know, you might wonder someone who is horny is a sure thing - but even if it's just a tryst, I want to be wanted and not just thought of as a sexual outlet.
Against my better judgement, I went to his New York apartment - it was only two blocks from my hotel.
He answered the door in a robe, completely open and nothing under it. He did look good.
But there was a bottle in one hand and his voice was slurry. I should have just left.
I went inside and he sat on the couch in his studio while watching the movie "Arrival." I sat next to him and he started to push my head towards his cock with one hand and sniffing (is that the term?) poppers with the other, all while still watching TV. He said that Amy Adams was robbed of the Oscar and it's because of all the "Jews" in Hollywood. "Those fucking kikes," he said.
I was disgusted. He then said I was a sexy daddy and he wanted to be my baby boy. This 50 year old man wanted to be my baby boy? He asked me if I wanted to fuck his boy. I told him I like men and not boys. Then he went on to tell me how he's liked to be dominated by his daddy - he's had men fucking him since he was a little boy. He said his dad fucked him. His agent fucked him and now it's my turn.
I was sad and repulsed at the same time as I felt that what he's saying is true. He's a man full of emotional scar tissue and still repeating the pattern as it likely may be how he feels he'd be accepted. I'm not a therapist and certainly wasn't going to counsel. I really just needed to go. The more I tried to get up, the more he'd pull me closer - still as he inhaled poppers. I think he longed for intimacy more than anything.
But how do I get out of there without causing any conflict? Looking around the room - I can see all of the household weapons that would be used in an episode of "Snapped." A knife on the counter or warm tea pot can do damage. I started to get a little scared myself as he could become unhinged at any time and at the same time, I didn't want to be the one who pushed him over the edge.
I did tell him that he may have had a few drinks more than he thought and I would love to chat and hang out and maybe we can do it tomorrow - earlier in the day when we're both fresh. He said no. I started yawning a lot and saying I was tired and that I actually just might be too tired to perform. He still said no. But I was bigger than him and the only close "weapon" he'd have if it came to that was the bottle of alcohol...so I pushed him away and said I was leaving and I'd be in touch later.
I jumped up and ran out the door - I didn't wait for the elevator as I wanted a fast break so I ran down the stairs. Outside, I took a deep breathe and thought this could have been a close call.
Maybe he was harmless and just lonely. But he was also drunk and a racist.
On my way back to the hotel, I told myself to always trust my gut as it's never let me down before. So you'll likely never hear a story like this from me again as I am moving on.
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